Operation Epic Fury? More Like Operation Epic Fuckup

Cover: Shahad drone via https://www.euronews.com/my-europe/2026/03/03/watch-what-are-iranian-shahed-drones-and-why-are-they-everyones-problem

Gman || Let me get this straight.

The bloke who won TWO presidential elections by screaming “NO MORE FOREVER WARS” at every rally, the same tangerine tyrant who tweeted in 2018, and I quote, “Does the USA want to be the Policeman of the Middle East, getting NOTHING but spending precious lives and trillions of dollars? Do we want to be there forever?” – THAT bloke – just posted on social media that “Wars can be fought forever.”

Forever.

FOREVER.

I need you to understand the absolute audacity of this spray-tanned sock puppet. The man campaigned against forever wars TWICE. He called Iraq a disaster. He called Afghanistan a waste. He told his base – the same mouth-breathing flag-humpers who chant “AMERICA FIRST” while their own towns rot – that HE would be the one to end the cycle. And now he’s balls-deep in a war with Iran, no congressional approval, no exit strategy, and no fucking clue what the objective even is.

Senator Chris Murphy summed it up perfectly: “This feels like a multi-trillion dollar open-ended conflict with a very confusing and constantly shifting set of goals.”

A CONFUSING AND CONSTANTLY SHIFTING SET OF GOALS. That’s not a military strategy, mate. That’s a man with dementia trying to order at Maccas.

The Lie That Started It All

So here’s the justification. Trump told CNN that Iran was “a month away from having a nuclear weapon” before the June 2025 strikes. His administration trotted out the old “imminent threat” line like it was 2003 and we were all supposed to clap like trained seals.

One small problem.

The HEAD of the International Atomic Energy Agency – that’s the actual global nuclear watchdog, the people whose ENTIRE FUCKING JOB is to know this stuff – Rafael Grossi, was asked point blank on CNN: “Were the Iranians days or weeks away from building a bomb?”

His answer? “No.”

NOT “well, it’s complicated.” Not “there are concerns.” Just: NO.

He also said, and this is critical: “We don’t see a structured program to manufacture nuclear weapons” in Iran.

So the man who lies about the weather, lies about crowd sizes, lies about his height, his weight, and his fucking skin colour – THAT man told you Iran was about to nuke everyone, and the people whose job it is to check said “No, he’s full of shit.” And America went to war anyway.

Sound familiar? It should. It’s Iraq 2.0, except this time the Weapons of Mass Destruction are Weapons of Mass Distraction from the fact that Mango Mussolini just set the Middle East on fire because Benjamin Netanyahu asked nicely.

Israel’s Lapdog

Oh, you thought this was America’s idea? Secretary of State Marco Rubio – a man with all the gravitas of a wet napkin – accidentally told the truth. He admitted the U.S. attack on Iran was partly driven by the fact that Israel was ALREADY planning to strike.

Read that again.

The United States of America went to war because Israel was going to do it anyway, and if Iran retaliated against American forces, well, that would look bad. So instead of telling Israel “maybe don’t start World War III on a Saturday,” the U.S. just… joined in. Like a bloke at a pub who sees his mate throw a punch and thinks, “yeah, fuck it, I’m in.”

Except this pub is the entire Middle East, the tab is in the TRILLIONS, and American soldiers are coming home in boxes. Six dead so far, with Trump promising the “big wave” is still coming.

America isn’t leading this war. It’s running Israel’s errands with a tomahawk in each hand and a credit card with no limit. A lapdog with a nuclear arsenal.

The $4 Million Dollar Question

Now here’s where the economics get so beautifully, catastrophically stupid that I almost want to frame it.

Iran is firing Shahed-136 kamikaze drones at U.S. bases, oil infrastructure, and military targets across the Gulf. These drones cost roughly $20,000 each. That’s less than a mid-range Toyota Corolla. It’s a flying lawnmower with a bomb strapped to it.

And what is the mighty United States using to shoot them down?

Patriot PAC-3 interceptor missiles. Cost per missile: $4 MILLION DOLLARS.

Four million dollars. To kill a twenty thousand dollar drone.

That’s a 200-to-1 cost ratio. You’re spending the price of a luxury apartment in Manhattan to destroy something that costs less than a second-hand Holden Commodore.

But WAIT. It gets worse.

The Patriot system often fires TWO missiles per target to ensure a kill. So now you’re looking at $8 MILLION DOLLARS to take out one Bunnings-quality flying pipe bomb. And footage from Al Udeid Air Base in Qatar showed THREE Patriot interceptors fired at incoming missiles – AND THEY ALL MISSED.

That’s $12 million dollars worth of American taxpayer money turned into confetti. And the missile still hit the base.

Iran has fired over 1,200 projectiles since this kicked off. They’ve got thousands more Shaheds in stockpile AND the production capacity to build hundreds more PER WEEK. Meanwhile, Lockheed Martin produced roughly 600 PAC-3 missiles LAST YEAR. Bloomberg reports that Qatar’s Patriot reserves could last FOUR DAYS at the current rate.

Iran doesn’t need to win the war. They just need to outlast the ammunition. They’re playing the world’s deadliest game of financial chicken, and the chicken is wearing an American flag and haemorrhaging money from every orifice.

The THAAD Is Even Worse

Oh, you think the Patriot is expensive? The THAAD system – Terminal High Altitude Area Defence – costs $12 MILLION PER INTERCEPTION.

Twelve. Million. Dollars. Per. Shot.

To knock down a drone that Iran built for the cost of a decent holiday to Bali.

Do that maths across a thousand drones and the defender loses the economic war even when they WIN every single engagement. This isn’t a military strategy. This is Elon Musk’s car budget.

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

Here’s where it gets truly fucking obscene. While Trump is lighting money on fire in the desert at a rate that would make a drunken sailor blush, let’s have a little look at what’s happening back home.

Food Stamps: Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” enacted over $1 TRILLION in cuts to Medicaid and SNAP. The Congressional Budget Office says 2.4 million people will lose food stamps. Those at the bottom – earning less than $24,000 a year – will see their incomes DROP by $1,200 annually. New work requirements that kicked in March 1st mean 62-year-olds have to prove they’re working 80 hours a month or lose their ability to fucking EAT. Twenty-two million families will lose some or all of their SNAP benefits so that the wealthy can get tax cuts.

Health Insurance: The CBO projects that 10 million more Americans will be uninsured by 2034 because of this legislation. Medicaid spending slashed by over $900 BILLION over the next decade. They’re literally taking healthcare away from the poorest Americans to fund tax cuts for billionaires.

Children’s Cancer Research: Trump proposed a 37% cut to the National Institutes of Health. DOGE slashed $4 billion from NIH’s budget. The Pediatric Brain Tumor Consortium lost its federal funding entirely. Clinical trials for kids with cancer – PAUSED. The Children’s Oncology Group, which runs up to 90 clinical trials at any given time for the number one disease killer of children under 20, says their “ability to function is entirely dependent on federal support.”

Less than 4% of all federal cancer research funding goes to pediatric cancers. And they CUT it.

A doctor who survived childhood cancer because of these trials said: “I don’t know if I would still be here today if that trial had not been funded.”

They’re killing the program that saves children’s lives. Let that sink in.

Let’s Do the Maths, Shall We?

One Patriot missile: $4,000,000

One THAAD interception: $12,000,000

One Shahed drone (the target): $20,000

Two Patriot missiles to take out one drone: $8,000,000

Average annual SNAP benefit for one family: ~$1,752

Number of families you could feed for ONE YEAR with the cost of two Patriot missiles: ~4,566 families

Number of families that could be fed with ONE THAAD interception: ~6,849 families

And Iran has fired over 1,200 of these things. WITH THOUSANDS MORE COMING.

The money being spent to shoot down glorified model airplanes could fund children’s cancer research for DECADES. Could keep millions of families fed. Could keep grandmothers on their heart medication.

But nah. Gotta blow shit up in a desert because Netanyahu made puppy-dog eyes and a senile game show host thought he could speedrun a war in four weeks.

The Self-Own of the Century

And here’s the punchline that would be hilarious if children weren’t dying.

Iran’s nuclear program was CONTAINED under the 2015 deal. The JCPOA capped enrichment at 3.67%. Inspectors were on the ground. It was working.

Then this orange Oompa Loompa ripped up the deal in 2018 because Obama’s name was on it.

Iran responded by escalating enrichment to 60% – a short hop from weapons-grade 90%. The Arms Control Association is very clear: Trump created this crisis. He tore up the deal, Iran escalated, and now that escalation is being used as the justification for a war.

It’s like burning down your own house and then bombing the fire station for not saving it.

And the Oman-mediated nuclear talks? They were making “significant progress” according to the Omani foreign minister. Then the bombs started falling.

“Operation Epic Fury”

They actually called it Operation Epic Fury. I swear to God, this administration names military operations like a twelve-year-old names their Call of Duty clan.

Meanwhile: Gas prices are through the roof. European natural gas surged 40% in a single day after Qatar paused exports. The Strait of Hormuz – where a FIFTH of the world’s oil passes through – has ground to a halt. U.S. embassies in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait have been attacked. Hezbollah is firing on Israel. Lebanon is in chaos. Americans are trapped in the Middle East because airports are shutting down.

At least 787 Iranians are dead. Six American soldiers are dead. And Trump says the “big wave hasn’t even happened yet.”

This isn’t a strategy. This is a narcissistic psychopath with a military budget having the world’s most expensive tantrum.

The Bottom Line

Donald Trump cut food stamps for 22 million families so billionaires could get a tax break. He gutted children’s cancer research so DOGE could post about “efficiency.” He’s stripping healthcare from 10 million Americans while spending $8 million a pop to shoot down $20,000 drones in a war that the head of the global nuclear watchdog says was based on a lie.

He is not a president. He is a fucking arms dealer in a suit that doesn’t fit, starting wars for a country that isn’t his, funded by money stolen from families who can’t fight back, justified by evidence that doesn’t exist, with an exit strategy that was never written.

And he has the audacity – the spray-tanned, combover-having, bone-spur-faking AUDACITY – to tell you this is “America First.”

First in what? Military spending? Childhood poverty? Medical debt? Citizen betrayal?

The only thing America is first in right now is the race to see how fast you can bankrupt a superpower while its children die of preventable cancers and its pensioners choose between food and medication.

That’s not a country. That’s a crime scene.

And the perpetrator is sitting in the Oval Office, telling CNN the big wave is coming, while the wave that should be coming is the one that washes this entire corrupt, blood-soaked administration into the sea.

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